I feel like I’ve been absent lately — from here, my online world. I think I have something to say and yet when I sit down to write, nothing happens. The cursor just blinks, mocking me. I stare at the empty page willing the words to pour out of me.
There’s been a lot of life happening. I feel like it’s been this way for awhile. Last week, in particular, was crazy. It was Spring Break, Easter and Miss E’s fifth birthday. We were constantly running, and when we weren’t, we were simply enjoying our time. We visited parks and playgrounds, hung out with friends and family and watched movies. We read a lot of books and went out for donuts.
My grandmother was also here. She’s 91 and we are trying to convince her to move to Raleigh. We’re in a tough place. She’s been where she is for decades and moving will be hard on her. But she needs us. She needs the support and right now: it’s 5+ hours to get to her. Several years ago, when she opted to move into a retirement facility, she still had many friends around and was actively participating in the community. That’s not happening much anymore. I worry about her.
She told me that I shouldn’t, getting older happens and I need to know what to expect. It’s not her getting older that I worry about. Barring one huge tragedy, she’s had a full, happy life. I just don’t want her to need us and not be able to get there. I know she’s lonely and things are changing. In the last year, we’ve seen a big shift in her condition – physical and mental. It’s hard. Very hard.
Right now I have no clients. It’s been a bit of a blessing as I’ve not been chained to the computer at certain times of the day. I’ve toured senior living facilities, attended class parties, volunteered and met friends for coffee. I think I needed the break.
But the tide is shifting. Change is coming, although I don’t know what it is yet. I can smell it in the air. It’s circling me, nudging me, then runs back into hiding. I feel as if I’m on the cusp of something.
When it unveils itself, I’ll be ready. Until then, I’ll just keep living. Time isn’t stopping. The waves keep coming. I hope you’ll stay tuned.
Apparently this time every year, I have some sort of “awakening” or “understanding”. Here are a few posts from prior years you might appreciate.