No seriously. I used to have it.
In fact, my best friend used to say I had the patience of a saint.
Well, I guess that ship has sailed. Because now that I have an almost three year old and an infant…that patience is GONE.
I realize that some of it is due to lack of sleep. Doctors, friends, neighbors, the Internet…they’ll all tell you how sleep deprivation can get the worst of you.
This is something more. I can’t quite describe it.
Take today for example. Bug didn’t nap. At approximately 3:30, he lost all semblance of my sweet faced boy and a whiny, heinous beast took his place. I wasn’t just annoyed. I wasn’t just mad.
I SAW RED.
Red people. As in anger. As in I was shaking.
I walked away. For crying out loud, he’s almost three. Most of the time he has NO idea what he’s doing.
I know I’m not alone. I commiserate with many parents about the terrible two’s, the evil threevil and more. But the severe lack of patience where a plethora used to be…well, I’m bothered.
I’m the one who says “come on, it’s not that big of a deal.”
I’m the one who tells people to chill out.
I’m the one who takes the hard crap with a grain of salt.
I love my children will all my heart and soul. I realize it’s normal to be annoyed at them, mad at them even. I know it’ll happen over and over for the rest of my life. (Hell, I know my mom gets annoyed with me!)
While it’s normal to be mad, this isn’t normal for me. At least it didn’t used to be.
I pray this is short lived. I don’t enjoy feeling this way even for seconds at a time. I want my children to learn patience, but how can I teach it when I have none left to give?