Sometimes I wonder if it really is 2014.
I got a pitch last week in my inbox for recipes even Dad can handle. Wait, what? My husband is a much better cook than I am. And while I understand that historically Mom is the one in the kitchen, one shouldn’t assume that dads can’t handle it.
It’s the same in the media. While more and more men are choosing t0 stay home with their kids and/or take a more active role, there are still too many portrayals of bumbling buffoons and clueless fathers. I’m sure there are men who do fit that stereotype, but I definitely do NOT think it’s the norm. My husband is not a buffoon nor is he scared of our children. Over the years I’ve seen plenty of commercials, television shows and movies that depict dads this way, but as a whole I was hoping we were finally making some progress.
Sure, I know woman who tell me their husbands are clueless or that they don’t participate actively or heck, even some that have never changed a diaper (I’ll be honest, I don’t get that one.) But they aren’t inept…they surely are open to some suggestions or a polite request now and again?
There’s no parenting handbook. Nobody knows what the heck we are doing when we leave the hospital with that little bundle of joy.
We figure it out. Together.
We figure out how to change diapers without being peed on. We figure out what discipline style is going to work in our house. We figure out how to answer all those difficult questions that we’ll eventually be asked. Each parent has their strong suit.
That’s why it’s a partnership. Some days I’m the better parent. Other days I’m cranky and irritable and my husband steps in to take over. That’s how it should work. It’s not 50/50; every day is different.
We made a decision together that I would stay home. And I know that when I decide to go back to work full-time that my husband will support me 100%, and if he doesn’t, we’ll have a discussion and figure out a solution for our family. Together.
I often like to joke to him that I wear the pants in our relationship, but that’s not true. We each have a leg in. I am incredibly fortunate to have found a man who supports my career endeavors just as much as I support his. When I go out of town, it’s not any different than when he goes out of town, save a meal plan or two and the hiring of a babysitter for any weekdays.
Marriage is a partnership and so is parenting. We have to work as a team to make our family unit work. Some days we hit a lot of speedbumps, other days flow more smoothly. Such is life. We’re all human and have our good days and bad days.
The Bottom Line
My family wouldn’t be my family without my husband. He’s the patriarch. We work together, sometimes in tandem, sometimes a bit out of sync, but together nonetheless.
He’s a cook. He’s a housekeeper. He’s a hard worker. He’s a fantastic bedtime story teller. He’s the king of “chase me” and he plays a mean “Wreck It Ralph”. His Elmo impersonation is awesome. He changes the oil in my car, mows the lawn and deals with all my piles. He does all of this and SO. MUCH. MORE.
So just stop already with all the stereotypes and old school assumptions. Most of the men I am blessed to know are so much more than you make them out to be. Give them credit where credit is due.
Love you baby. Thanks for being my best everything.
Love this post 🙂 I couldn’t agree with you more! My hubby works full time and still helps me with anything I need help with around the house. He is also a great dad .
Hi Erin – congrats to you and your husband for striking that balance and partnership. Chuck and I have the same situation (although I’m a bit of a slacker sometimes) and he is an amazing dad. I hate that some of my friends don’t have the same partnership, though. I know a lot of dads who are so hands off they might as well live somewhere else. Maybe if the media would shift this paradigm, these dads who think it’s OK to be that way would sway a bit, too?
You made a great point, Sean. There are still a lot of hands off dads, but I hope that’s changing. I really truly hope it is. I know I lucked out. (And aren’t we all slackers sometimes?)
This is so true. Not only do I have a wonderful partner, but as a family finder working with families of children in foster care, I too frequently see dads that were not even given three opportunity to parent their children. I’m working to correct this in the families I work with.
Heres one I haven’t figured out yet…
what happens on the days when you’re BOTH cranky?
🙂
Honestly I have found that when both of us are in a foul mood, one of us usually steps up to the plate. Or we call it a shitty day and move on 🙂
YES! So much this. My husband has always been the breadwinner in the family but that doesn’t mean he’s not 100% hands on when he’s home. While we certainly have a division of labor in our house he’s always willing to pitch in. We’re a team after all, and if we have any hope of surviving through all the chaos of life we have to be.
Yes, this 1000 times. I could not attend the Mom 2.0 Summit (or Disneyland SM Moms without my family) were it not for my super amazing husband who takes care of the three children doing all the jobs we usually do Together. He is “fully cross-trained” in all the stuff I do and can cook many meals better than me. And, unlike me, he’s not afraid to do the dishes.
Love this. My hubby is the best for sure. One of the most productive humans I’ve ever met, to be honest – amazing with the kids and around the house.
I had your husband in mind when I wrote this too. We certainly did luck out!
Most of the people around us are ignorant and do not
put much effort in to recycling. According to research, a computer
screen contains more than six percent lead by weight.
24 million tonnes of aluminium is generated each
year.