*In honor of Father’s Day, I invited my husband to guest post with his thoughts on being a father. Happy First Father’s Day Honey!*
Since this is my first father’s day, Erin asked if I would make a guest appearance on her blog. I absolutely love being a father so I anxiously agreed; however, since being serious is not my forte and PG is not in my genetic makeup, this may be the last time I get such a request.
Being a new father is euphoric. The lack of sleep and the realization that I’m just a few years away from never having to mow the lawn, take out the trash, or get my own beer definitely add to the euphoria; however, the foremost underlying is when I look into his eyes and envision all the love, encouragement and nurturing support Erin and I are going to unconditionally provide in order to ensure a blissful, healthy, flourishing and rewarding life.
Being a new father also brings a lot of questions to mind.
For example, if I change to an all ice cream and beer diet that results in fat rolls the Michelin man would be envious of and the loss of all but two teeth which would foster uncontrolled drooling…would hot women pinch my cheeks and ogle me every 10 feet as I was wheeled through the mall in my man stroller?
To conclude, I leave you with the top 5 things I never knew about myself:
1. I never thought I’d show a stranger on a plane pictures of my child (Note: I still loath sitting there while you show me pictures and talk about yours).
2. I never thought I’d be shat on by another Homosapien.
3. I never knew that when I was shat on, my reaction would be to laugh (Note: peeing isn’t on this list b/c my lovely sister took care of that one about 20 years ago so I know first hand being pissed off is much, much better than being pissed on).
4. I never thought I’d clean a penis or wipe an arse that wasn’t my own. By the way, how did we ever learn the latter task for ourselves as children? Was it trial & error b/c I don’t recall being coached? It’s probably good that I don’t remember as the error part of each trial could not have been a positive experience.
5. I never knew I could love anything so unconditionally. For example, I love my wife dearly but if she went on a binge and William Mark Felted the NC State basketball team my next tax return would be filed as Head of Household. If my child did the same, I might puke a few times but I would still claim him as a dependent.