It was 7:30 in the morning, everyone in the house was still sleeping off the excitement from the holidays. We were just a day away from the New Year, and my husband was heading into work to get a jump start on 2015.
“Psst… Bryn… Where did you park the car?”
I rolled over to see my confused looking husband standing in the doorway. “Well… the driveway, where else would I park it?”
I’m not sure why it took us longer than a split second to realize what had happened. Perhaps we were involved in some elaborate prank? Maybe Xzibit came in the middle of the night to pimp our ride? After a few moments of staring at one another I got out of bed and grabbed my phone. “I guess we need to call the police… someone stole our car!”
A kind officer from the Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office came within ten minutes of our call. By this time the children were awake and the oven was preheating, awaiting a packed pan of cinnamon rolls. Here’s a tip: wrapping your mind around car theft is much easier once you have eaten a few (read:three) gooey and delicious cinnamon rolls.
Jeff and I spoke freely with the officer about what was going on while we distracted the kids with an episode of Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood. We spoke about what it’s like living in a neighborhood that is in the process of gentrification; what it is like living with mansions a few blocks east and a staggering amount of homelessness a few dozen blocks north. The officer excused himself to ask our neighbors if they had seen or heard anything, and then there was a tug on my pant leg.
“Mom? Did bad guys… come to our house?”
Why doesn’t that musical tiger family sing a song about what to do when your car is stolen and you’re scared about bad guys? PBS, I suggest you get your writers on that pronto.
Up to this point, we had never had something “bad” happen to our little family. We had never had an opportunity or a need to talk to our kids about bad guys and therefore I just never did. Sure, they know how to identify bullies and when people are mean. But there has never been a case where they felt like THE THREAT IS REAL, a bad guy stole our car, along with all the toys that were still in it from traveling over Christmas!
I avoided the topic for a few days, but when I heard my kids screaming and crying that “SOMEONE STOLE MOMMY!” after running inside from our fenced in backyard to get some water I knew that I could no longer avoid the conversation. I had to talk to my kids about “bad guys” and why some people make bad choices.
The truth is, I myself have a hard time understanding that bad things happen in the world. After talking with the detective in charge of our case, who told me the car was likely stolen and traded for drugs, I lamented to Jeff “I don’t get it! I just don’t live in a world where stealing a car for drugs HAPPENS.” Jeff looked at me and laughed, “Well, yes, you do!”.
How much information about “bad guys” do a six and three year old need to know? I figured I should shoot for a happy medium, somewhere between having your head in the sand and thinking that your mom was stolen just because she was out of site.
And so I have been answering questions and elaborating on them a bit more than I usually would when the topic comes up. A part of me feels like I am taking off their rose colored glasses. Another part of me feels like they need to be aware that not everyone is nice, because, as Jeff pointed out, we do live in a world where people steal cars and trade them for drugs. But we also live in a world where people donate clothes, food, toys, money etc. to those in need. I’m trying to balance the good that exists with the bad… and in the process I will hopefully raise children that do more good than bad.
Talk to your kids about “bad guys” and let them know that you will do anything to help them feel safe. We might or might not have installed security cameras, ADT and motion detectors. Actually, we totally did. Jeff climbed those ladders like Spider-Man, protecting his family.
Hear that, bad guys? Don’t get any ideas.
How do you talk to your children about bad guys? Do you have any suggestions for me?
Oh, I am so sorry the bad guys came to your house and stole your car. That must feel awful. I don’t remember having a specific conversation about real life bad guys with my son (he’s 5), but he loves playing super heroes and similar imaginary games, so he’s familiar with the concept. I think you handled it well — not making a huge deal out of it, but not keeping it off-limits for conversation either. As long as your kids know they’re safe, that’s the ultimate goal. I hope you are able to resolve your car issue well. And I’m right there with you on the cinnamon rolls. Yum yum. (Stopping by from #typeaparent )