This might be a long post. If you bare with me through it all, I thank you, if not, no worries, I just feel like I have a lot of frustration and here is the best place to let it all out.
It all has to do with time. I can’t seem to capture enough of it these days. I am in utter disbelief that it’s mid-May. I can’t believe my son will be 17 months old on Saturday. I am in shock that it’s almost half way through 2010 and my resolution/goal list looks like a big ol’ pile of poo.
I NEED MORE TIME.
More time with my son. More time with my husband. More hours in the day to finish my work. More time with my mother, sister, friends. More time FOR ME.
But it just doesn’t exist. And I have to accept it and try to prioritize my life better.
At the end of 2009, I made the following resolutions:
1) Go out with my husband at least once a month ALONE!
2) See my friends more.
3) Start (and keep up with) yoga.
4) Find an outlet for my passion for singing and acting.
Where am I on them? As I alluded to earlier, they’ve gone to the crapper. Seriously. We started the year off great with amazing intentions. J and I had a date night in January, maybe even two. I can’t remember having one in February, March or April. We both were (and are) so busy with work. We did go see WICKED earlier this month (which helps with Resolution 4 a smidge) and then was able to have dinner out ALONE last Saturday too.
See my friends more? That’s a joke. While I was delighted to go on a girls trip to the mountains in March with some of my best friends in the world, I honestly haven’t really seen them since.
Yoga? Don’t make me laugh. That gift certificate I mentioned for the free month is still tacked to my cork board in the kitchen. I don’t even have time to hang out with my husband as much as I want, how am I going to find the time to attend a one hour class early in the morning or right during the Bug’s bed time? Oh right, I’M NOT.
And my passion….singing and theater. Well let’s just say that takes the VERY back burner. Going to see WICKED two weeks ago is the only thing that even comes close to this goal.
It bums me out.
I know I’m not super woman and I can’t do/have it all. Life doesn’t work that way and I don’t pretend to think it does. But some days I can’t even catch my breath.
We’re also at the point where people are starting to ask if we’re going to have child #2. I’m stressed out just thinking about it. I feel like I barely have enough time with the Bug, what will happen with another child?
I’m just frustrated. I’m annoyed with myself for having my cranky pants on and not just dealing with it and figuring something out.
I can’t have it all. Some days I’ll be a better wife than others. Some days I’ll be a better mother than others. Some days I’ll be a better employee than others. Some days I’ll be a better boss than others. But it’s doubtful that it’ll happen all at once.
Excuse me as I’m going to go cry now.
I definitely feel you. I wish I could tell you there's a simple solution to the time issue, but I'm 3 kids deep and it still feels like there's never enough time.
Having said that, time was always my concern before each child. I felt the largest changes and adjustments came with Zoe (#1), as we went from "Your personal life matters" to "Your personal life is second to your child's". That's tough to swallow. Moving to 2 kids wasn't as bad as I figured it would be. I even felt, right before EJ came along (#3), that things were back to normal, etc. But 3 really crunches your time, and you're outnumbered for the first time 🙂
My long-winded point is this: you're still only 17 months into Aiden's life; give yourself a break! Things with my first didn't mellow out until she was 2 or 2 1/2, and then it was like we were old pros 🙂 You will learn new ways to fit almost everything in – you and J may need to get creative, but it can be done. I can't vouch that you'll get everything in, but in that you'll learn where your priorities really lie.
Keep your head up, be frustrated at times if you need to, cry if it helps…but know that it will all work out in the end.
Lastly, that time for you and J is very important. If you can fit ANYTHING in, make sure you fit THAT in. We did date night at least twice a month from when Zoe was 6mos to when EJ was born. I cannot stress how important that is for you guys – happy parents make a happy child. But most importantly, remember that you married your husband, not your child.
Good luck! Talk to you guys soon…if there's time 🙂
Time suck in your label seems to sum it up!
I really don't know where all the time goes. I hope you find the slow switch and get your date night. Maybe some things you can let go for a while but I know there is not an easy solution.
I feel for ya! Stopping by from SITS.
I love you! 🙂 I am putting JL on the back burner next year bc I don't have time for it now that I am going to be PTA maven. We can't do it all. Some things HAVE to go away. I have found a place now where I find time for work, family and myself, and guess what, Addie is alsmot 7. It took a LONG TIME to get here. You'll figure it out. Sometimes a good cry is in order!!
We ALL feel this way. I don't know if Moms ever get to the point of having enough time for everything. I know I always feel like something's slipping through the cracks…and my New Year's goals, ha! Just do the best you can and make sure that you, the hubby and the Bug are happy and that's all that matters. The rest will fall into place (and us girls are always here for you!!).
I think that most parents probably feel the same way…. I certainly do. There never seem to be enough hours in the day. I agree with what Matt said above about making your spouse/ marriage a priority. (As you could tell from my reply to your Mother's Day status on FB, my hubby does not do this and it causes problems.)
Find compromises that will make you happy. Yoga on DVD after the bug is in bed. Think of your blog as your creative outlet rather than singing and dancing. Obviously you already sing to the bug.
I hope you do have #2 soon. That way they will be close enough in age to be playmates. At least that is what I tell myself so please humor me!
Hugs.
I agree w/ everyone else… we do all feel this way. If I let myself get carried away thinking about how fast time is flying by and how fast Lea is growing, it really stresses me out. Kevin and I need to do date nights but any time I'm away from Lea I just want to hurry back. 😛 As for yoga… I fit in a once-a-week Mommy & Me class. Aidan is probably too old and active for that, though. I also take 5 to 10 min. every night (just sitting in bed, before I go to sleep) to stretch, close my eyes and focus on my breathing. It's a great way to wind down before bed (and before Lea wakes up crying!). 🙂 And, hey… we can listen to show tunes in our office any time you want!
Yup. I can relate to every single point. What I have learned is that you have to lower your expectations and just roll with the punches. Sometimes you have to force yourself to take the time you need. I found a buddy to do a Monday evening yoga class with. I had to take a break for a while but now i go Wednesday mornings. And here I am almost 3 1/2 years after my son was born never finding the time or desire to share my life any more than I already have.
So we have one child. We steal our date nights at home or during nap time. I do make me time and have a husband that supports that.
My main advice to you is to stop putting pressure on yourself. For any of your expectations. Keep yourself happy and healthy and you'll see it reflected in your husband and son. Oh and if this is a long blog post, you should stop by my blog sometime 🙂
You have my complete sympathy and support! There isn't a thing you wrote that hasn't gone through my brain in the last few weeks.
I have a yoga class twice a week at 8:45 p.m. but I'm usually too tired to make it. And don't even mention the fact that I could go to the 5 a.m. class.
Date night is rare. Going out with friends has become extinct.
A husband, two kids, and a career is about all I have time for these days!
Hang in there… you can have it all, just not all at once. (Hey, I wrote a blog post about that just in the past week!)
Giant time suck indeed! I feel this way all the time, and Ryan and I are constantly looking at each other wondering where in the world the day, months, years have gone. We swear if there were only X (insert your favorite number here) more hours in each day, everything would be different. But, really, who are we kidding?
We're just doing our best to make time for everything in the order that we feel it's important. We're working out, but ya know what time that usually happens? Oh, about 11 PM. Not ideal, but the kids are in bed and we can focus on each other and our health for like 45 minutes. 🙂 Pretty sure our current dating consists of the one hour we snuggle in the pew during church on Sunday mornings!
We wouldn't trade it, of course, but it is amazing how things change once kiddos are in the picture. Just do the things that make you and your family happy and try not to put so much pressure on yourself. Easier said than done, I know.
If it makes you feel any better, I worked (on my part-time job, no less) until 3:30 AM…YAWN!
Oh hon, I feel for you. And I FEEL you. Since having Baby #2, I just can't seem to catch up. Even working part-time, it's just killing me to try and be a wife, mother, blogger, group exercise instructor (haven't even gotten back into that yet), non-profit committee chair, etc. And then expect to keep up with friends and family!?
I have cut some things out. I had to. I gave up a event planner position on a local mommy board. I haven't done the group x classes again. And I severely limited my time on certain forums I had been visiting. Each little thing adds up. You just have to take it one day at a time.
But I'm also coming to the realization that this is just the way it is. Us moms are pulled in every which way and I think we're all just getting through each day trying to figure it all out. My hubby tells me I put a lot of pressure on myself… and I hate to admit it but he's right. I want to be THE BEST at everything and sometimes it's okay to just be GOOD ENOUGH. I'm still working on that one. 😉
It's so hard to find time to do the things that we want to. I can't even find time for the things that I NEED to do.
Thanks for stopping by my SITS day on Monday!