October is Pregnancy Loss Awareness Month and yesterday was actually Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. I lay in bed last night thinking about the babies that I’ve lost…thinking about what they would have looked like and what kind of personalities they would have had. I thought about what the bug would have thought of his siblings….and then I thought about how lucky I am.
After all the heartache, all the pain, all the tears….J and I created this amazing, beautiful miracle. Our Wonderbug. He’s all I could have asked for and more. My heart hurts when I’m not around him and grows fuller by the day because of him. Being a parent has brought so much more joy into my life. As much as I wanted to be a mother before, there’s no real way to explain it and how it changes your life. Earlier today I was trying to put it into words for a friend of mine and I teared up. I just couldn’t find a correct expression or an exact phrase that encompassed all that my heart…all my soul… wanted to say.
I grieve for the babies I lost. I hope that those sweet little angels look down on their brother and bless him daily. I pray that all couples who are struggling now to create their own little miracle are granted their wish…be it naturally, with the help of amazing, dedicated doctors or by the grace of someone else…that they one day hold their baby in their arms, that they get to experience the creation of life. It’s an amazing, beautiful,crazy thing….and I am so incredibly thankful that I get to experience it.