I consider myself very lucky because breastfeeding came fairly easy for me. The first few weeks were tough but once the wonderbug and I mastered it…we were home-free. I exclusively breastfed until he was three months and then we had to start supplementing a bit of formula when he started day care since I wasn’t pumping enough. So at school, he got 3 bottles, all 1/2 breastmilk, 1/2 formula.
Pumping has been a bit of a challenge for me. I have an awesome pump (Medela Freestyle) – it’s the time to do it that I’m finding difficult to manage. Over the past few weeks, my supply has diminished (during the day) significantly. I have set alarms at work to make sure I pump twice a day but I hit ignore or think “Ok, I’ll do it in a sec.” and all of a sudden half my day is gone. Plus, work is pretty hectic right now. And I know stress has a big effect on supply as well.
So here’s my issue — do I wean the bug from daytime feedings? I COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY intend to nurse him in the morning and at bedtime until he is one. But this pumping thing is really getting to me. And on weekends, he ends up turning away and getting distracted when I nurse mid-day….probably because he’s not getting much. In fact, right now, I use all the pumped milk in his breakfast and dinner cereal and he’s getting three bottles of formula at school.
The guilt is KILLING me. I feel like I’ve failed him in some way, but I also feel like I need to manage my sanity. Getting breastmilk twice a day is still really beneficial for him right? I just can’t make a decision – but I know I need to and just get on with it already. I don’t need extra mommy guilt clinging to me like a needy ex-boyfriend. I have enough already.