The circle of life is brutal

They say that parenting is hard. We all know this to be true. We know the infant/toddler years are hard in one way and the teen years are hard in another. And I’m pretty sure that the period of time that comes after that, when you let go and allow your children make their own decisions, can be particularly vicious.

Do  you know what else is hard? The end of life.

My grandmother is 91 years old and in the last year things have changed substantially. She’s not remembering things. She’s let things go. She has stated to me several times that she just doesn’t care.

That’s not my grandmother. She’s become someone else and my heart is breaking.

We are trying to get her here, to North Carolina. We know she needs it and she finally agreed to it. If she’s here, we can take care of her, check on her, be with her. But I don’t know how we’re going to make that happen

One minute she is tender and kind and the next she’s a ferocious beast, snapping at everything in site. It can turn on a dime. The things that she once held near and dear are but a blip on her radar. She’s not incapacitated and while her short-term memory is lapsing, her mind is still there. How do you force someone to do something without it being incredibly painful and wreaking havoc on the relationship?

I don’t know that you can.

I told her today that she needs to fake it til she makes it. If she could just pretend to care until she gets here, then she can let it all go to shit and we’ll help take care of her. She said she would, but after a text from my mom, it sounds like she was just trying to pacify me.

I don’t want this kind of life for her. She deserves dignity and grace. She deserves to be loved and cared for, but when anyone tries to help, the ugliness starts spewing. It’s hard to show love and grace when you are on the receiving end.

This is not who she is.

My grandmother is sophisticated and elegant. She’s never without jewelry or lipstick. Everyone she’s ever encountered has commented on her beauty. She is exceptionally talented and has a deep love of the performance arts. She’s always got a book on her side table. She is fond of a good debate (though many may say “or a good old argument”). She is fiercely independent.

She is not this, yet this is where we are. I’m standing her at a loss, wanting to fight but feeling defeated.

Right now her fierce independence is winning, and the rest is fading. She needs our help. I just wish she’d let us give it to her.


Small Business Spotlight: Young Living

Young Living Oils

*This week I’m excited to feature Molly Stillman and her journey with Young Living. As a new wholesale member myself, this is a great read for anyone interested in essential oils.* When I first got pregnant in 2012, I immediately became HYPER aware of everything I was putting in my body and everything I was… [Read More]

We’re all wearing war paint

Beautiful young fashion woman with military style clothing and face paint make-up, khaki colors, halloween celebration

I just can’t anymore. Every time I open up my computer or pull up something on my phone, it’s negative. There is constantly some sort of war. Mommy wars. Political wars. Blogging wars. ACTUAL wars. It’s too much. Is there a deserted island I can run off too? As much as I am grateful to be… [Read More]

What not to ask families with “just” one child

family pic

*I am so pleased to share this post from local Raleigh mom, Lynn Iannucci. We all have a story, even if it often goes untold.  ————- “Just the one?” It’s a question from a fellow parent. “Yes,”, I answer. I try really hard not to fill the blank space with a reason. I want to say, “But… [Read More]

What does it mean to be a mom?

Family photo

I am a mom. I love my kids fiercely. I hug tightly. I give way more kisses than they’d like. I yell too much. I give back scratchies. I wipe noses and booties. I run baths. I make a lot of meals and am constantly wondering how it’s time to eat again. I am a… [Read More]

Dance Mom Problems {SoCozy launches in CVS}

Dance hair

When I heard I was having a girl (a whopping five and a half years ago), I was elated. I pictured bows, frilly dresses, manicure parties and so much more. What I failed to think about was the 30 minute scream fest we would have every morning over her hair. Doing hair is not my… [Read More]

Jet Lag and Inspiration…my thoughts on Mom 2


Apparently I have to adult today. I don’t want to. Instead, I want to crawl back under the covers and not come out again for a few days. I’m in denial that life is waiting for me outside my bedroom door. The kids have to go to school. The laundry (eventually) has to get done. There… [Read More]