I have all these ideas. They are just floating around in my head, waiting for me to grab on to one tightly and just run with it.
But I never do.
There’s just too much going on. I can’t focus.
It’s an age old question that I’m positive all parents face, but it’s still frustrating nonetheless.
Why can’t I just go all in on something?
I like freelancing. I’m happy to be able to spend more time with my children and to still keep my toes in the working world. But there’s so much more I could be doing to promote myself, clients I could be pursuing. I just don’t have the time.
It’s the same with my kids and my marriage. We need one on one time with both kids. I need date nights with my husband, but there’s JUST. NOT. ENOUGH. TIME.
It’s the cycle of life; I know it, but I can’t get past it. There are times when I feel like this blog is mocking me. I want to do more video. Write more positive parenting posts. Share more stories. Work with more brands.
I want. I want. I want.
It actually looks ridiculous now that I’ve put it out here on this screen. Everybody wants to do more, be more, have more. I have a great life. My kids are healthy, happy. My marriage is wonderful. We are fortunate that I can stay home for now. Yet, I’m constantly wanting, wishing, hoping.
I know that it comes from viewing what others are doing. I see an amazing post or video that is similar to an idea that I had and I feel discouraged. Why didn’t I just DO IT? I see partnerships that I should have gone after and I’m unsettled, jealous even. It’s normal. It’s life.
I still feel icky.
I’m not even half way through my life. Why do I feel so rushed to do it all now? It’s not possible to be all in at work, at home and on this blog. Sometimes I think I should just pick one, but that would leave me feeling unfulfilled.
I wish I could slow down. I wish…
Enough wishing. I need to be in the here and now. I can do what I can do and nothing more. I could work later at night if I wanted to, but I choose to spend that time with my husband. I could get up earlier, but I like my sleep. I could find a sitter and work more, but then I’d be missing out on time with my kids.
There’s never the answer you want is there?
Silly question. Silly me.