It was a banner evening here in the Lane household. Dinner was a thrown together mash of leftovers. The kids ate at the table while watching Donald Duck cartoons on YouTube, while the husband and I reheated up bread and fish and rehashed the details of our day.
My recap of the day included a moment where I completely caught off-guard. As we were driving to lunch, my son asked me why our neighbor has two boys and I had a boy and a girl. Remembering the whole “only tell them what they ask” mantra, I tried to explain that science (biology seemed too tough a concept) dictated boys and girls and that parents don’t get to choose when they make a baby.
Well, you know what came next.
How DO you make a baby?
Um. Uh. I was at a bit of a loss. Finally I sputtered “When a mommy and a daddy love each other, they make a baby.” Whew. I had managed an answer.
That didn’t fly. “Well, how do you MAKE it?”
Shit. Now what? Then I seriously pulled a Doug from UP and yelled SQUIRREL! Ok, I didn’t yell SQUIRREL, but I did say very loudly, “Look at that cool house; it looks like a barn!” and then he started singing Old Macdonald.
Awkward situation averted…for now.
I honestly can’t believe how much I fumbled. I always thought I’d be Miss Cool Calm and Collected in these situations. WRONG. I quickly realized that J and I need to talk about what we want that answer to be because the question will come up again and sooner rather than later. My instinct is to say that mommy has an egg and daddy has a seed because lord knows I don’t want to utter the words penis and vagina in relation to making a baby. Not yet. I just can’t yet.
So cue our dinner conversation. But we never made it to an in-depth discussion. Because we were thrown for another loop.
As I’m telling J about our drive and the whole SQUIRREL distraction, he points at the computer and says loudly, “WHAT WAS THAT??” I look and quickly realize that Donald Duck has a giant swastika on this left arm. What in the hell? We both were in shock. I didn’t even know what to do. We let a minute or so go by, to try and absorb what we were witnessing when all of a sudden “Heil Hitler” comes blasting out of my computer speakers.
(Am I even allowed to type that? I mean, as I’m wanting to share this story, I’m scared my IP address is getting pinged by the government.)
OH. MY. GOD. We both were literally frozen. I didn’t want to create a scene (a tantrum inducing one at that) by swiftly turning it off, so I leisurely sat down with the kids at the table and WHOOPS, the clip paused.
“Sorry kids, this one must be broken. Let’s watch Applecore instead.”
I look at the screen. 1943 animated war propaganda cartoon. BANNED.
Awesome. Thanks YouTube. I didn’t know I could be rendered speechless twice in one day, but you took the cake. Thankfully my children love Donald Duck so much that they wouldn’t have even know it was inappropriate.
Parenting lesson of the day: Be prepared for the tough questions and diligently police your YouTube videos, even the ones you think will be safe.