This morning I read about the loss of someone’s dream. Miscarriage is such an ugly, technical term for something that is so life changing – it’s the loss of your family, of your baby. My heart broke into a million pieces for this woman as I thought back to a day 2 1/2 years ago when I was in her all to familiar situation.
“There’s no heartbeat.” I stopped breathing as the doctor said the words I knew were coming but I didn’t want to hear.
Pregnancy loss is all too often kept quiet. It’s a silent death that is grieved by some initially but becomes a quiet tear that seeps into the heart of a mother…as only a mother can know. I remember that even a few weeks after my D&C that I felt so utterly and completely alone in my grief. If I got quiet, my husband would sweetly take me in his arms, as he knew my pain, felt my tears. But outside of your spouse….it’s just plain difficult. Other people forget because there was never a physical child to love and hug. To them it was an idea, a glimmering thought.
But not to me. My two angels are in my heart EVERY day.
Months later, there was so much talk of other people’s pregnancies, new babies. No one seemed to notice when I slipped out of the room. It got better, but still I grieved. I grieved the children I would never meet. I grieved because I still couldn’t make my body do what is was supposed to. I’m a woman for goodness sakes! That’s what we do….we make babies.
And then I did. We made a baby…and my body kept the baby, grew the baby into this amazing, fantastic, wonderful human being. My Bug.
I pray for all those who have experienced pregnancy loss. I pray for their angels.
A Birth Healing Blessing
Blessed sister, beautiful one
with broken wings.
Your journey is a difficult one
that no mother should have to endure.
Your path is steep, rocky and slippery
and your tender heart is in need of gentle healing.
Breathe deeply and know that you are loved.
You are not alone,
though at times, you will feel like a
desolate island of grief
Close your eyes.
Seek the wisdom of women who have walked this well-worn path before you,
and before you yourself were born.
These beautiful ones
with eyes like yours
have shared your pain, and
weathered the storms of loss.
You are not alone (breathe in)
You will go on (breathe out)
Your wings will mend (breathe in)
You are loved (breathe out)
~ Mary Burgess
Author, Mending Invisible Wings, a healing journal for mothers following the loss of their baby through late-term miscarriage, stillbirth, or neonatal death.