I absolutely love this stage of life that we’re in. My boys are on the verge of turning six and three and this is my most favorite, everything feels right with the world, happy heart stage of motherhood yet and I keep looking for the pause button. The problem is, it’s just not there.
How in the hell does the time keep passing so fast? Seriously. I want to soak in these moments of watching them play together in the back yard with their make believe blasters and imaginary bad guys. We’re still in the magical time where bad guys, for the most part, are just imaginary. I know eventually that magic will fade away. I know I can’t stop that from happening, and the rational, logical part of me doesn’t want it to. Does it have to come so quickly though?
My boys find so much joy in the simplest of things right now. Sure, it’s something I strive for myself, and maybe that’s because I see it happen all the time with the two of them. Goldfish and apple juice can still make just about any afternoon better. Ice cream is the ultimate celebration of all things. What they honestly both want more than anything else in the the world is my love and attention. Sure, I sometimes try to hide when I hear them coming, but how amazing is it that they’re still asking, “Mama, will you PLEASE play with me?” I can’t sit here and pretend that I always say yes, but the lump in my throat gets a little bigger when I think that one day, they won’t ask that anymore.
I want to bottle up their innocence for the days that I know are coming in the not so distant future. I want to hang on to these days of skinned knees, stubbed toes, and dirty freckled faces. I want a reel of their silly sounds, their giggles, and the way my oldest tries to explain the world to my youngest. I want to keep being “Mama”: solver of problems, fixer of owies, and best snuggler. It’s a lot of pressure, but I’m good! It’s not a title I’m looking forward to giving up.
Sometimes, I feel like I get to watch them in slow motion, like those moments in the backyard when I just sit and soak it all in, or when I give each of them extra snuggles at night. But while time slows down for those few brief moments, it also lets me reflect on just how big they are now and how quickly they got that way.